The good, the bad and the ugly. I never thought that Eli Wallach was that ugly, but whatever.
I seem to be more sensitive recently to how much splitting or polarity exists in the world. Good vs, Bad or Good vs. Evil seem to be at the forefront of things. I’m sure this is related to the presidential race and the never-ending, moronic, self-defeating partisan politics that we, in the U.S., are burdened with these days.
And though political rivals like James Caraville, Bill First and others seem to be able to sit down together to sell Coca Cola when it comes to working together to resolve some of the country’s and world’s problems – the abyss between two sides each seeing themselves as right (so to speak) once again rears it’s ugly head.
This whole good/bad thing begins in infancy as a psychological process known as splitting.
At the beginning, in childhood, there is a relationship between the child and the mother, the parents, the environment. When the relationship is difficult or painful, the child deals with it by splitting the difficult from the easy, the love from the hatred. But to do that, you have to do it with your mind, because it is not real. You have to split your perception. You have to split your mind. You have to believe something that is not there. That is the beginning of mental structure. You have to split the reality into this and that, split mother into good mother and bad mother. Well, your mother is never all good or all bad. She is a mixture. So if you split her into good mother and bad mother, and you have to remember this and that, you are creating something in your mind that is not really there. In time, that becomes the mental relationship that you re-enact in your life relationships. So there is the idealized mother, there is a frustrating mother, and there is the attacking mother. And your relationships with those three parts are what become re-enacted in your life as mental relationships. – A.H. Almaas on Psychological Splitting
This is not something we can blame on improper parenting, it is one of the fundamental dynamics that gets laid down in the brain that forms the rudimentary basis for discrimination, linear thinking and self-reflection. The problems associated with splitting arise as a result of arrested development – the maturation and evolution of the person and the mind stop at a level that continue to rely on “half-baked” goods.
Maturing to the point where we can see people and situations in their entirety – the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful – is a sign of real progress. It probably won’t help to sell Coke, but it could result in the ability and capacity for more people to work together for something other than profit.
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One response to “Psychological Splitting”
Anger gives us the energy and strength to protect ourselves. Yet anger at a parent is almost always threatening to a child (especially when they think they’ll lose an inheritance, so they stick around and morph for the money) (case of J. gilbert-soto and maternal abuser) In order to dispel this threat, most children will create a false identity (live in fantasy world, talk about “old times” that never were, pretends all is well now, it’s all good we’ve moved on) which pleases parent (mommy Lee Ann). The strongest children, however, become and remain rebels and intensify their justified anger. (Graham & Phillip) The weakest among the children compromise. Cultic/Corrupt Families (case of Gilbert’s): “Love is lying for each other and sticking together.” “Love is attacking anyone who dares tell the truth.” “Love is denying wrong doing.” “Love is accusing others of what you constantly do.” “Love is never saying your’e sorry as in, Lee Ann once demanding daughters J. Gilbert-Soto and K. Gilbert, Lie about being molested by Lee’s grandparent Mac, so Lee could sue him for his grandmother Vye’s, money.” Oh, no. Can’t talk about that. Move on. There are strict boundaries in cultic families like the Gilbert’s. Perfection, or at least the appearance of it is maintained within the family. Admission of sin or failure is prevented at all costs, especially by patriarch (too busy) and certainly not outside the family. In cultic and corrupt families, parents demand the children’s will and minds be fused with theirs. The children lose contact with their own thoughts, fantasies and opinions (JG-S). They even adopt the same language and nuances of parent into adulthood, failing to establish their own identity. They often live with or near to cultic parent. If children (or grandchildren) have their own ideas, they are shamed with sentences like “Where did you get such an idea?” Or “Don’t you ever let me hear you say that again.” The message is: The way you think is not okay. It’s our way or no way. She likes children to carry labels like “aspergers” or “seeking attention” or “anxiety ridden” or “depressed.” Won’t let child separate. Wants children to need her their entire lives. If suspected they don’t. She develops deep hatred and resentment for child she can’t control. And especially child that separates. In order to justify the audacity of a child of a cultic mother to separate, the illusion must be created that it is the child who separated that has the “problem” and never, no, never the cultic family.