Last week, I was engaging in some open-ended dialectic inquiry with a friend when she looked at a table and said tabling? We were discussing how everything in existence has dynamism and she through the ING on table to express that dynamism of the table. (more…)
Sunday night I was talking to a friend about her current relationship difficulties. Seems her current beau, let’s call him Jim, is very excited about her and is pushing for a more permanent relationship.
Tuesday morning another friend called saying she needed some relationship advice.
Don’t ask me why they think I know anything. I’m a walking testament to the wonder of how men can make life so difficult for so many. Over the years, I’ve managed to make significant progress, but I fear the grave may grab me before I compete the work.
Anyhow, my Tuesday friend’s current relationship happens to also be with a – let’s call him Jim. If I hadn’t met one of these guys already, my first suspicion would be that Jim is getting around quite a bit – these two friends live 2500 miles apart.
Two different Jims, same MO – social conditioning about the male gender model coupled with other assorted psychodynamic content and arrested development creating havoc in the present moment. The main issue with both Jims is that they seem to only be interested in their wants and needs. According to my friends, they both feel unseen and not heard. The guys seem locked in their patterns and somehow believe their happiness is happiness for all concerned – a little narcissistic if you ask me.
Of course I’m speaking from my history.
Both of my friends are concerned about hurting Jim’s feelings. Jims are nice guys, they just don’t get it. Jims are willing to change, but they don’t seem motivated to do so unless it means getting what they want. How much real change do you suppose will happen within such a confined space?
My advice to both friends was – What is it about you that keeps you in a frustrating relationship? What are you getting out of it? What are you anxious about – afraid of losing?
Interestingly enough, both reported that their relationship with Jim reminded them of their relationship with their father.
Men
Stop howling at the moon
Now that she has your attention
And you recognize your longing
Surrender to her silver mystique
Let beauty and mystery
Work a sublime magic upon you
That shyness you feel
Is only the surface
Of a deep tenderness in the soul
On the dark side of the moon
A blood red rose
Is blooming
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Why do we continue to suffer under the tyranny of blame, when there is a road less traveled that will lead us to wonder and awe? (more…)
One of the underpinnings of ego mind is its orientation toward here and there. That mind is always thinking in terms of from here to there, past to future, renovation, change, growth – and this crazy idea that it can actually create, control, or choose the experience.
“Which road do I take?” she asked.
“Where do you want to go?” was his response.
“I don’t know” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”
This orientation of the mind along with these other thoughts arose in me after a conversation I had with a fairly new student of the Diamond Approach. We were having a cup of jasmine green tea at Peet’s in Walnut Creek, CA and for a couple of hours our conversation roamed all over creation and back again. One book I recommended was Prayers of the Cosmos: Reflections on the Original Meaning of Jesus’s Words by Neil Douglas-Klotz. This is one of my favorite books when it comes to discussing the relevance of the Bible.
One of the things I kept noting during our conversation was an underlying orientation of going from here to there, or improving oneself (another form of here to there).
As I slept that night, I kept reflecting on this orientation and when I awoke at 3am, here is what I was in the midst of:
The mind mostly thinks it knows about here and there. It has ideas about here: not good enough, not exciting enough, I’d be happier with more sun or more money, getting real would be wonderful, etc. And it has ideas about there: if I had…, if I could…, if things were…., – I’d be….
But here is the dilemma – the ego mind hasn’t a clue about here or there in a real sense, it only has ideas and fantasies. The mind is rarely in the present in a real way, how can it know the here? The here and there are covered in veils, they’re both
obscured by ideas, prejudices, the past, etc. They really look more like this:
So the first thing that would serve us well is to inquire (explore) here and there.
When it comes to there, usually the ideas I have about what I want are only the surface of what is really going on. Maybe I think having more money will make me happy. If I look into this, I may discover that I think having more money will give me more freedom, so I don’t want more money, I want freedom – but I think it is money that will get me there. And if I look deeper, maybe I’ll discover that my sense of freedom comes with a sense of being released from the tyranny of having to always be doing. Maybe I’ll realize that what I really want the freedom to be at peace. So it’s not about money or freedom, it’s about peace.
As we deepen our exploration into here and there here’s what begins to happen: here and there begin to become more precise, to merge into the same space/experience. If our inquiry goes deep enough, here is what we are left with:
Look deep into the space between this sentence and the previous one, the answer lies therein.
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I’ve often wondered how the inner experience of oneself changes with the transformation of ego identity and structure. I know how my life is freer and more fluid from the years of work and exploration, but I still have a very active subjective inner life with habitual mental activity, concerns and attitudes, old patterns, and historic identities.
I found this reflection by A. H. Almaas on his experience to be very poignant and instructional.
Living the dream of exploring the final frontier – beam me up Scotty!