I was the last person I would expect to be taking care of my father – I have/had issues!
At 85, dad is moving slower, forgetting more, remembering more, mellower and even more set in his ways at times.
We just moved from the Bay Area of California to Petoskey, Michigan – way “Up North”, as they say here. The 2565-mile drive seemed to fly by – for me. I was surprised at how much time dad was alert and taking in the scenery. (more…)
A couple of years ago, I knew it was time to consider moving from California. I felt a movement in my soul for more settling and quietude – literally.
In June of 2009, I traveled to Petoskey, Michigan for my niece’s wedding. After spending a Saturday morning at Roast & Toast, Petoskey Health & Fitness and Horizon Books, I found myself on East Mitchell Street in Petoskey, MI and felt a deep sigh, an ahhhhh in my heart, soul, mind and body. I thought – this could be a great place to hang out for the next decade or so.
I returned to Petoskey 4 times in the following 12 months – twice to check out winter. I was hoping Mother Nature would throw some vicious winter weather my way so I could assess where I was with the notion of winter. After 4 years in California, I wasn’t sure I would welcome the cold and snow – even after 13 years in Park City, Utah where I had 3 snow blowers to deal with the 15 feet or more of snow we received each winter.
I was a little disappointed in the 2009/2010 winter in Petoskey – at least the part of it I enjoyed. I think it only got to about 18 degrees when I was there and even with the 20 knot winds, it did not dissuade me from further exploration.
As I write this, I am in Naperville, IL on my way to a home in Petoskey. The other night in Rock Springs, Wy. and again the following night in Shelby, Iowa, I had a few moments of – Am I doing the right thing? What am I getting myself into? As I drove from Shelby, IA to Naperville, IL, I was listening to an interview with Mitchell May that my friend Holly had given me. I share some of Mitchell’s orientation toward the mystery of life. As I listened to the interview, I again felt the certainty in my soul about the move and Petoskey.
My mind wants to worry about the future and finances, but my observation is that 40 years of such worry, concern and uncertainty haven’t accomplished much – especially in regards to increasing a sense of certainty and security in a constantly changing world.
I notice a certainty and security in my heart. The sense of a turning in my soul has morphed into a sense of settling – like an enormous soft spaceship touching down.
My 84-year old father is moving with me to Petoskey. I notice that spending more time with him is a real support for practicing Total Being – an evolution of Realization as Practice. As I slow my walking pace to dad’s, I bring more attention and awareness to total being.
There seem to be no coincidences. Back-to-back retreats on NonConceptual Realty and then the Fulcrum Practicum seem to have prepared me to move slower with more attention and awareness.
Where will life in Petoskey lead me? Certainly to more moments of uncertainty and certainty.
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The theme of the week seems to be family dynamics. I went to see The Kids are All Right and thoroughly enjoyed it. I laughed, I cried and mostly, I enjoyed watching a movie with more emphasis on character and relationships than pyrotechnics.
Watching the family dynamics in this modern alternative family situation reaffirmed the notion that – people are people. No matter what the family situation, we can’t seem to escape the trials and tribulations of parenting and growing up. I’m giving The Kids are All Right a thumbs up for entertainment, a heart for heart, a star for intellectual stimulation and a snort for comedic relief.
A day later, I watched Biography on A&E. The segment was on Rodney Dangerfield. To learn about Rodney Dangerfield’s childhood is a real heartbreak. Amazing that with all that baggage, he didn’t suicide. The biography is a real insight into how a traumatic childhood continues to play itself out over time and the difficulty involved in resolving deep emotional scars.
Watching The Kids are All Right and Rodney Dangerfield make me aware of the challenges presented to each and everyone of us when it comes to experiencing what is truly real in us.
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Psychodynamics are at the root of family dynamics.
The other night I watched The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. I thought this movie did a pretty good job of reflecting how emotional baggage and issues can be passed down from one generation to the next. I’m sure the book was much better at fleshing out the characters and issues, but given the time constraints, the movie gives a good taste of how family dynamics can drive us a little psycho.
As they say, we don’t get to choose our family – unless you subscribe to the notion that the soul initiates some sort of choice in incarnating – a notion that seems particularly anthropomorphic to me in the ways it is generally related.
As I observe and work with myself and others, psychodynamics and family dynamics account for a great deal of the content presented to explore and work with. Many people fail to appreciate the depth and subtlety of how psychodynamics and family dynamics bind the soul and occlude awareness of our deeper nature.
Intellectual understanding alone will do little to free our psyche from the patterns and conditioning formulated in our early experience. The roots of these patterns exist at a pre-verbal level of development and the only way to free the consciousness of the pattern is through re-experiencing the affective state in a manner that allows a process of disidentification to occur.
An understanding of the self which would include perspectives from depth psychology, object relations psychology and the spiritual perspective (true self, soul, being) is a great help in supporting the process of disidentification.
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It is better to remain ignorant than to pretend knowledge. If you know that you are ignorant and don’t pretend otherwise, there is a question that stays alive and continues to burn in you, a deep hunger for the truth. A. H. Almaas – Diamond Heart Book III: Being and the Meaning of Life
Every once in a while, I like to pick a random image and see what it inspires me to write. I found this image of a flame at (where else) RandomImages.com.
Human beings are curious, we have an innate curiosity and our behavior is certainly curious to observe. Many believe that curiosity is an aspect of the mind – to some degree it is, but it’s deeper nature resides in the heart and deeper still in the soul.
One of the mysterious elements of THE MYSTERY is knowing. Awareness and consciousness beget knowing – and it appears that deep in the nature of consciousness is a desire, or at least a natural dynamism to know. And, fundamentally, what is there to know but the manifested side of reality.
So, we can say that God, True Nature, The Mystery seeks to know itself or it is constantly revealing itself to itself via awareness and consciousness.
All of this gets reflected in us human beings as desire, longing, passion, curiosity, etc. to know. Of course there are many who have issues and resistance to knowing and curiosity due to childhood conditioning.
The Flame of the Search is fuel for the soul for the journey home. This fuel is not external, it is of the soul – it’s very dynamic nature. The journey home can be very difficult, with much pain and suffering. A bright flame is needed to meet and move through the obstacles and inertia of ego structure and misplaced identity.
The Mystery has another dynamic quality that serves the soul – magnetism. The soul longs to know, the Mystery draws it home and True Nature reveals, reveals, reveals.
And this is what the image inspires today.
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In the blink of an eye it can all be gone – our sight, our friends or children, our homes or health, our life. Even so, it is all grace, magic and miraculous – and some of it gets posted on YouTube.
