food_dietingEveryday is an Adventure with Food & Eating

I am having a very interesting experience with food and eating. I am not dieting or trying to lose weight – which is what I thought I would be doing about now. Instead, I am discovering what my relationship with food and eating is.

There is a sense of strangeness, a curiosity to this. I’ve eaten a lot of food in my life – more than my fair share! But here I am not knowing much about my relationship to it – what I like, what my preferences are, when I should eat, what I should eat.

I feel like an explorer. Every day and every meal is a discovery. I eat at Lettuce in Walnut Creek, CA almost everyday. Most times I get the Cobb Salad without bacon. It’s a wonderful blend of flavors. I enjoy it. Sometimes I wonder if I should be tired or it or bored with it. What I discover is that I don’t know. My past experiences with that salad don’t seem to be around. I look at the menu with the ingredients and think – that sounds good – and it is!

The other day, I was thinking I should have something different to eat. I did not know what I wanted. I was thinking of this and that – pulling food out of my memory banks, but nothing seemed real or enticing. I was getting hungrier, but still had some things to do before I would have time to eat.

The hunger was interesting. It wasn’t demanding, but it was there. I was observing it like a dog with it’s head cocked and one ear raised – a real organic sense of curiosity. I could not come up with an answer about what to eat. In the end, food found me as I stopped by some friends’ home to pick something up and they were just heating up the leftovers they had taken home the other day from a dinner I had served them – my world famous veggie fajitas!

There was plenty enough for three and boy did I love and relish the blend of flavors in those fajitas.

The other day, I had some terrible Mexican food. What was curious was the sense of this being a stand alone experience not tied to the past or to the future. Very interesting to have that food in my mouth. No taste buds popping, no mouth-watering yummies. Just bland, dead substances.

In all these experiences, it’s not so much the food, but the sense of newness about my knowledge of food and my relationship to it. I know, but don’t know.

It is a most curious feeling of not knowing who I am at times.

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