Open-Secrets

Tag: narcissist

  • Narcissism – The I’s Have It

    PhotoFunia_9d6aeWho are you loving today?

    Narcissism describes the trait of excessive self-love, based on self-image or ego.

    The term narcissism means love of oneself, and refers to the set of character traits concerned with self-admiration, self-centeredness and self-regard. The name was chosen by Sigmund Freud, from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Even George Carlin had something to say on narcissism.

    Narcissism isn’t just a combination of monumental self-esteem and rudeness. Narcissists desperately need other people to validate their own worth. A narcisist’s self-worth is based upon being admired by others. Many flaming narcissists are despicable jerks, dislike by many, but also admired for their business savvy, charisma, wealth, looks, etc. It’s the admiration that counts not being liked or disliked.

    The term narcissist usually conjures up an image of a self-centered, selfish person. Narcissists avoid personal accountability, it’s always the other person’s fault.

    From the perspective of Being, True Identity, or the Essential Self – we’re all narcissists. Being disconnected from what is real within us, we live our lives based upon images of self and not the actual ontological experience of self.

    Fundamental narcissism, the specific and most central manifestation of the disconnection from the essential core of the self, the Presence of being, underlies all other forms of narcissism. Pathological narcissism is a distortion or an exaggeration of fundamental narcissism. Fundamental narcissism is an intrinsic property of the ego-self, which is the self as experienced in the dimension of conventional experience.  –  A.H. Almaas – The Point of Existence

    Self-help books and personal development gurus speak to the value of self-love. Let’s not confuse this with narcissistic tendencies. Perhaps it would be better to encourage self-kindness and self-acceptance – which is really all all about disengaging the superego so we can actually explore our experience in an open manner without beating ourselves up all the time.

    If we accept the fact that psychological development includes a certain amount of baggage like narcissism,  racism and enough defenses to populate the Pentagon, it actually opens the door to fruitful exploration and the possibility of encountering what’s real.

    Of course, we can always Love New York

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  • Narcissistic Injury

    NarcissismNarcissistic injury is one of those loaded psychological terms. In fact, all things narcissistic seem to be. I think that is because the word narcissism or narcissistic is generally used to describe pathology and not the over-arching reality that everyone with an ego (everyone) is a narcissist.

    Narcissistic defenses are present to some degree in all people, but are especially pervasive in narcissists. These defenses are used to protect the narcissist from experiencing the feelings of the narcissistic injury. – StudyWorld

    Ego identity, the false self, or whatever you want to call it, is fundamentally a case of mistaken identity. The “I” or “me” involved in this case of mistaken identity is self-centered and self-promotional.

    Narcissists cannot love others because they don’t love their TRUE self. They “love” a fiction – the FALSE SELF. They are full of feelings of inferiority and self-loathing and they are very sadistic and self-punishing when they incur a narcissistic injury (when they “fail”). You can’t love others if you do not love yourself. Moreover, narcissists do not understand what it means to be human (i.e., they lack empathy). To them other people are bi-dimensional, cartoon, cardboard cutouts, or, at most, an audience. Others are FUNCTIONS, INSTRUMENTS, EXTENSIONS. They, therefore, cannot be loved for what THEY ARE but only for WHAT THEY PROVIDE. This is no real love. Sam Vaknin

    Narcissistic injury can be understood at a more macro level to be the wounding that occurs from not being seen or not being heard. Narcissistic injury, when experienced at its root, is the most painful wound in the soul – the wound of disconnection from True Nature.

    The narcissist says, “I exist.” A narcissistic injury is you showing him that he does not exist in your life. Kicking him in the teeth and telling him he is a jerk is not a narcisstic injury– because he must therefore exist.

     

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