I Am a Man – What’s YOUR Problem Lady?
Sunday night I was talking to a friend about her current relationship difficulties. Seems her current beau, let’s call him Jim, is very excited about her and is pushing for a more permanent relationship.
Tuesday morning another friend called saying she needed some relationship advice.
Don’t ask me why they think I know anything. I’m a walking testament to the wonder of how men can make life so difficult for so many. Over the years, I’ve managed to make significant progress, but I fear the grave may grab me before I compete the work.
Anyhow, my Tuesday friend’s current relationship happens to also be with a – let’s call him Jim. If I hadn’t met one of these guys already, my first suspicion would be that Jim is getting around quite a bit – these two friends live 2500 miles apart.
Two different Jims, same MO – social conditioning about the male gender model coupled with other assorted psychodynamic content and arrested development creating havoc in the present moment. The main issue with both Jims is that they seem to only be interested in their wants and needs. According to my friends, they both feel unseen and not heard. The guys seem locked in their patterns and somehow believe their happiness is happiness for all concerned – a little narcissistic if you ask me.
Of course I’m speaking from my history.
Both of my friends are concerned about hurting Jim’s feelings. Jims are nice guys, they just don’t get it. Jims are willing to change, but they don’t seem motivated to do so unless it means getting what they want. How much real change do you suppose will happen within such a confined space?
My advice to both friends was – What is it about you that keeps you in a frustrating relationship? What are you getting out of it? What are you anxious about – afraid of losing?
Interestingly enough, both reported that their relationship with Jim reminded them of their relationship with their father.
Men
Stop howling at the moon
Now that she has your attention
And you recognize your longing
Surrender to her silver mystique
Let beauty and mystery
Work a sublime magic upon you
That shyness you feel
Is only the surface
Of a deep tenderness in the soul
On the dark side of the moon
A blood red rose
Is blooming
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